I’ve had therapy- there we go, I said it, I admitted that I have a past in which I have needed to seek outside counsel and guidance. Guess what- it helped, it made me grow as a person, it made me feel ok to be me. For me this is a statement of strength not weakness, because I firmly believe it is ok to ask for help when you need it. I am a rational, emotionally astute individual who went through something I didn’t choose to and yet came through it a much better me.
A few years ago I was emotionally burnt out, physically drained and it felt like all of me just went blank, blah, foggy; like my body had literally stopped working. If I'm honest it’s all a bit of a blurr, but depression reared its ugly head and my anxiety became something I couldn't hide any more. It’s hard to talk about because frankly it was hard to go through- but I did it! I survived and am here now a much calmer, less angry version of myself. Before this I would have told you I didn’t have anxiety, that I was fine, I wasn’t a depressed person, how could I be? My life was great, it was stable, solid, fun. I was just over tired, overworked, too stressed. When in actual fact I was in a constant state of flight or fight and was barely making it through the day. Culminating in me launching into my doctor's office announcing I had walking pneumonia because my chest was so tight I couldn't breathe, I felt the literal weight of a brick attached to me. The doctor listened to my chest and said “your chest is fine, have you ever thought you might have anxiety?” I denied profusely that was the case, but low and behold all the signs and symptoms pointed out that I did. I was shocked, truly surprised, I was a confident person in most situations, I wasn’t meek, but somehow I was overtaken by something I had no control over and I realised I couldn't avoid it anymore, the only way out of this was to surrender and go through it.
Starting on my journey:
Once I let myself acknowledge the situation, I decided to confront it head on and booked into therapy. I thought the sooner I do this the sooner I am better. However, again slightly naive, I realised that this was not an overnight fix - this was hard emotional work where I took responsibility for my part in my life and admitted my faults and dealt with my thoughts, and feelings. It was not easy, but then again growth never is. The truth is I knew I needed something to change, I knew I wasn't the best version of myself and the key here is I knew that it was up to me to make the necessary changes. But oh my goodness this was a long six months of work, nothing about it was easy, but as time progressed, so did my mood, my outlook and my mental wellbeing. I just had a lightness about me that I hadn’t ever experienced.
Be brave:
For me, bravery is admitting you need help and getting it. There is strength in saying “I’m not ok”. This is not easy, it takes all of your courage to admit this and I firmly believe that we should support anyone around us that makes or utters that statement. I also want to address the fact that there are still a lot of negativity that people assign to seeking help, some people see it as a weakness, in actual fact this is the furthest thing from the truth. (I would even go so far as to say that those calling it weak are usually the ones that need therapy the most. Usually the ones that say; “me, no I’m fine.”)
Therapy is not a dirty word.
Take a minute to unpack that- how do you feel saying that aloud? Do you agree, or do you feel a certain level of discomfort? If so I would ask yourself why?
If you break your leg, you would go see a doctor and not even question it. So why not do the same when your mind is foggy, or not working optimally. I think recently there has been a shift to normalise therapy, but it is still something people are scared to discuss. I have known a great many people who have gone to seek out help at certain times, but very few who talk about it openly. Now, some I have to caveat and say have not found it helpful, because finding a good therapist is not easy, you have to find the right person and style to fit you. But, I will tell you when you find the right one, things start to slowly connect more and make sense, you can draw links to your behaviour and why you do what you do, understand that and if you want to change that behaviour you are in the right place to do that. Therapy offers a non judgemental space to evolve into being the best version of yourself. Well for me it brought me peace that it was ok to be me and led me to the wonderful world of mindfulness and meditation.
Anxiety and the breaking point:
This pandemic has really brought about a great deal of anxiety. The unknown is scary. The fact that the whole world is collaboratively facing the unknown is even scarier. What does the future hold? Well no one can answer that. Will we ever go back to normal? Should we even go back to the way things were or should we change? Again, a great many unanswerable questions. This is why I started therapy again. Not because I am at the breaking point as I was before, not because my brain is foggy, but more because this is a big deal, there is a lot of stress and anxiety around and before it all gets too much I want to process what is going on. A lot of people end up in therapy at their breaking point. They go when they can no longer cope on their own. But what if we went before that? What if we sought help when we know the situation we are in is challenging. Perhaps we could understand our emotions, feelings, thoughts, process them and deal with them in a healthy manner. I wish I could let people glimpse how they would feel after say a few months of therapy, because I promise you everyone would do it, the difference is incredibly marked. But so many are reluctant to ask for help. Personally, I wish I had had the courage to realise a little bit more about what I was going through before it all came crashing down, maybe that's why I have gone back now, scared of getting to that dark place again and being adamant that I won’t. We all know we can not control what happens to us; we can only control our reactions to the situations we are in. I feel calmer in speaking to someone weekly, even just having someone tell me my feelings are ‘normal’ in this situation. It gives me the control I need to get through this isolation in one piece.
Its good to talk:
If you are struggling with anything and feel like you need to talk to someone there are people and organizations out there that can help. Please do not see it as a weakness, see it as a strength, asking for help is a magical thing. You can be the person you want to be, and yes it's a process, and yes it takes time but working towards something is always better than running away from it or pretending you are ‘fine’. If you don’t agree with therapy, please leave your judgments to yourself, especially if you find out other people are seeking help. No one deserves to be judged for doing the right thing for them. Support them, do not pity them, and know they are going through something they did not choose to go through and are doing the best that they can. Again, I will say it: Therapy is not a dirty word.
The Samaritans link below is there for anyone who needs to talk:
https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/